While they certainly cover a wide spectrum of life events within the human condition, Hallmark cards from the back of your local retail pharmacy chain really just can’t capture the candidness of contemporary dating and relationships. After the last few years, we decided that it’s time to ditch the mass-produced content for Valentine’s Day 2024, and get a little help from art history to really communicate the complexities of love, lust, and languishing.
From polycules to break-ups and intense professions of adoration, we at Hyperallergic put our brains together to identify where corporate Valentine’s Day marketing was missing out, and found that art from the past truly had insights into the future that weren’t fully realized until just now. As seen above, Kandinsky’s colorful chaos aptly captures the entropic magic of an undeclared situationship — but it’s time to rip the band-aid off and see where you stand.
Allow us to present our selection of ultra-specific, art-inspired holiday cards for Valentine’s Day 2024.
We just hope that you don’t get the above card from your situationship buddy at the same time you show up with your “What even are we?” card. But who am I kidding — it’s not like you guys are going to see each other on the 14th, anyways.
You know how I said that art from the past really had insights into the future? Yeah … over 200 years later and this is still pretty freaky:
Not unlike Gustav Klimt’s Valentine’s Day card, but definitely a bit more specific. What’s a better example of ~forbidden love~ than Cupid and Psyche? Take it from someone who has been there, some things are better left forbidden …
From Brooklyn to Portland to Utah and back, we’ve got you covered for all types of relationships this season.
And with every type of relationship, we must account for all possible outcomes. Remember to be a good communicator!
Old art 🤝 old TV references — working together to emphasize a seemingly timeless, most unwelcome encounter experienced daily across the world.
For the one who looks at you the way God looks at Adam … ♬ Baby Girl ♬
Partners come and go, but nothing hurts like losing your favorite pair of underwear. The power of material culture, eh?
There was a lot that could have been said about this one, but sometimes the low-hanging fruit really tastes the best!
For the sentimental.
If your love language is physical touch or acts of service.
Excellent choice if Saltburn (2024) is your current obsession, or if you were unfortunately online during the Belle Delphine “gamer girl bathwater” fiasco.
How do I show this to my dog?
Last but not least, I couldn’t leave out a reference to “The Artist is Present” (2009). True fans would benefit from pairing this card with some skincare products by our “shaman of late capitalism.”
