A lot has been said about internationally famous performance artist Marina Abramović: the woman, the artist, the brand. Though one might consider her various critical acclaim and excoriation to be exhaustive, this overlooks the fact that not nearly enough has been said about how unbelievably gosh-darn dewy her skin is. As a critic, I have often wondered to myself: “Why does she always looking vaguely wet-ish?” Say what you will about Marina Abramović, but she is possibly the dewiest living artist.
Now this ethereal shine can be yours, as Team Abramović has joyfully announced the release of the “Longevity Method” skincare and wellness line. It is a bold, artistic move that can only reinforce our facial elasticity even as it cements Abramović’s reputation as a “shaman of late capitalism.” The line, which includes a face product as well as three “immune, anti-allergy, and energy drops,” was developed in collaboration with Nonna Brenner, a holistic healer and practitioner of an Austrian wellness retreat who was born in Kazakhstan, where she received her medical degree — according to a video on her website that does not elaborate as to where she got said degree, beyond “the very heart of Asia.”
The products are an extension of the artist’s already thriving Abramović Method mindfulness platform, which includes instruction cards that will help you fix your life with prompts like “Drink a glass of water as slowly as you can.” Though celebrities like Jay Z and Lady Gaga swear by the Abramović method, it’s more likely that they are also benefitting from another huge wellness tip, which is being insanely rich — and you will have to be at least a bit above median income to afford the early access Marina Abramović Longevity Method Face Lotion, now available early-access for £199 (~$252). If you can’t afford this, you could try other aspects of the Abramović oeuvre that are completely free, such as going for a nice long walk or screaming into your boyfriend’s face!
“Our true longevity isn’t in machines, but in ancient knowledge,” Abramović narrates over a promotional video for the line, with aesthetics that, at a squint, are largely indistinguishable from any of her fine art videos. Hands covered in primary-color paint cling to each other. Abramović and Brenner stare meaningfully at the camera. You can practically feel the aging process reverse, just by watching.
“My recipes for these all-natural wellbeing products we are launching focus on embracing the philosophy of healing through nature,” says Brenner in a press release for the product line, which includes a face lotion acting as a cleanser, exfoliant, and moisturizer in one — a little weird, because those are three different activities. Ingredients for this miracle potion include white bread and white wine, which are notoriously effective for engendering a sense of well-being, though lesser minds might recommend putting them inside your face rather than on top of it.
Perhaps this routine represents “healing through nature” in the same way that many animals ingest their own placenta after giving birth. Or maybe it’s healing through nature in the same way that horse manure is good for nurturing soil.
Either way, you gotta ask yourself, how dewy do we want to be in 2024? The artist is present, and standing by to take your credit card information.